Teen Talk: The Gift of Time for You and Your Teen

How often are you telling your teens to turn off the TV or stop playing computer games so they can complete homework, come to dinner, do chores, go to sleep, get ready for school?

How many times a day are you arguing with your kids about the amount of TV/computer time they spend?

Every day? Several Times a Day? All the Time?

How many hours do your teens watch TV orplay computer each day?

If your child watches 4 hours of TV/day...(The national average is between 3 and 5hours per day.)

That is 32 hours/week...134 hours/month...1664 hours/year or 69 days per year!

Now answer this:

How many hours per day does your teen spend reading?How many hours per day does your teen spend creatively doing art, building things, writing, playing non electronics?How many hours per day is your teen playing sports?

Now you do the math. How does your teen's unplugged time compare with his or her plugged in time?

Perhaps you noticed that TV/Computer time far outweighs the other activities your teens are involved in. You already read and know that kids who watch a lot of TV tend to be less healthy. (Sitting, not exercising,eating lots of snacks when they watch,aren't focusing well in school and on homework...etc.. )

So, if this is your teen and you want your teen to have more time to be healthy, creative and tuned into academics here is where you can start...

I have developed a program just for you called...

The Sunday Night Through ThursdayNight No TV Rule.

During the week have the teens earn points towards TV/Computer time.

Use poker chips or pennies to symbolize minutes of time and use and reward for:

=> chores

=> reading

=> completing homework

=> whatever else you want them to do more of

Let them save their chips for the weekend but remember...before you start giving out chips decide how much time you really want them watching between Friday and Sunday afternoons and calculate accordingly.

While you are at it...take a look at your own TV viewing. How many days and years of your life have been in front of the TV? What else could you be doing with your time? What have you been putting off or doing for lack of time?

For more ideas on how to get more time for you and your teens...here is my gift to you...

My newly released parenting book...

The Take Back Your Parenting Power System: How to Get Control of Your Kids in 30 Days or Less: The Secret Formula

Click here for your free copy!

http://www.parentingpowers.com/takebacksystem.htm

Feel free to forward this email to your friends and give them the gift of time, too, this Holiday Season.

Wishing You a Peaceful Home and a Peaceful Holiday Season,

Your Parent Coach,

Susan

Teen Talk:Difficult Conversations with Your Teenager

Dear Parent,

Sex, Drugs, STDs, HIV, AIDS are all subjects that most parents have difficulty bringing up with their kids. Think back to when you were a child. Who told you about sex? Was it a friend? Was it your mom or dad? If so how did they handle it and what information did you receive? Was this information accurate? Or did you learn about it on your own as you were experiencing your first relationship? What was your religious upbringing? Were you told that sex was dirty or natural? Were you told to wait until marriage? Or did your mom bring you to the doctor and to have you put on birth control? Or did your dad hand you condoms and pat you on the back? Our own teenage experiences often have a great impact on our parenting. We may agree or disagree with our parents on how these subjects were presented or ignored. So before you venture into these difficult conversations with your child or teen,

#1 Get clear about your own morals and values.

How do you feel about 16 year olds having sex? And what is the difference between that and 18 year olds?

What do you think about kids smoking marijuana?

What do you think about underage drinking? 18, 19 or 20 year olds? When is it okay? When is it not?



#2 Educate yourself about the issues you want to discuss with your kids.

Get on the internet and bring up articles about current trends for youth. Make sure that you have the most up to date information about the areas that you are focusing on. Remember, not only are you providing parental guidance but you are also passing along knowledge that your child will need to make thoughtful and appropriate decisions about his or her emotional and physical health.

Get savvy with their language. (Kids don’t call marijuana “pot” anymore.)

Do you know what the following are? If not, look them up!

*DXM, Syrup heads, Dexing, Triple, Special K, Crank, Antifreeze, Crunk, Snow, X, Georgia Home Boy, Roofies, Kibbles and bits, Cheese, Candy flipping*


#3 Make Time to Talk To Your Child

Once you know what you want to talk about and have done your research it is time to If you are nervous or anxious about having this conversation, acknowledge this. “This is really hard and uncomfortable for me to speak with you about, but I am your parent and I need to talk with you about…” Be prepared that your child may react negatively to you or say that they “already know all that…” Proceed anyway. Give your child printed information or websites to back up what you are saying. If your child argues with you, tell him/her that you would be glad to hear what s/he has to say, but first s/he must research the topic and present it to you just like you did.

Don’t wait too long to have these conversations. Kids are experimenting with sex and drugs earlier and earlier. The younger you start the easier it will be to continue bringing it up. A great conversation starter might be after you and your child have seen a movie with sex or drugs being part of the content. “What did you think about that movie? What did you think about the choices that Josie made? What would you have done? Do you have any questions about anything that you saw?”

If your child ignores you or doesn’t want to talk about it don’t give up. Keep looking for opportunities to bring up those uncomfortable issues. Soon you will notice that it isn’t so awkward after all!

Dear Mom and Dad, Why I say "Whatever!"

Dear Mom and Dad,

Why are you always yelling at me? "Do this, pick up that, put this away,

do your homework, get off the computer, set the table, brush your teeth!"

It really drives me crazy, that you never just let me be. You ask me why

I don't listen to you. Well, everything you say sounds the same...plus you

are on me all the time. I cannot finish a thought, a TV show, a computer

game or even a conversation!

You think that I have ADD because you think that I don't focus. Well, YOU

don't let me focus. You are constantly interrupting everything I do. That

is the real reason why I can never finish anything. And to top it off, I

feel like I can never do anything right.

Look, I am happy (well not jumping for joy) but ok about doing my chores,

my share to pitch in. But give me a break...a chance before you start in on me

again.

Why don't you hand me a list of stuff to do and put a deadline on it? Let me

mangage my time and figure out when to get in done. Then if I don't

follow through, you can yell at me all you want and I'll accept responsibility.

Just stop nagging. It just makes me want to go to my room and get away

from you. It also makes me say mean things to you like "whatever!",

roll my eyes, and definetly not do what you asked me to do.

You think I hate you. But that isn't it. You just make me so angry!

All because I didn't take out the trash in the 5 minute window you

gave me. Mom, Dad, get a grip. I need you to give me structure not

a lecture.

Love,

Your son/daughter

Wishing you a peaceful home!

Susan

Visit Susan at http://www.parentingpowers.com/

walk away,

Teen Talk: "Parents, don't want to be the "bad guy"?

Dear Parent,

Are you feeling that you can never do enough to please your teen? The more you give, the
more they require? The more limits you set, the more they push back?

Well, I'd like to help free you from parenting guilt.

We want our teens to like us; especially as they grow up, kids start separating from us
physically and emotionally. It may seem like they are closer to their friends than to
their own family members. That can feel really lousy. And that can make us parents
feel that we have to bend over backwards to get their attention or to connect with them.

That is where we get into trouble. Because we want our kids to like us, we might say "yes" when we really need to say "no" or we might overlook it when they say "whatever" to us or roll their eyes.

I want you to know that even if it seems that they are disconnecting from you, they still are
children and need you and want you to structure and set limits on them.

It hurts to be a good parent....but it hurts worse to have your teen get in trouble in school or in the community.

So...the next time you feel bad and don't want to be the "bad guy", think twice...
better you the "bad guy" than someone else...

Let's start a conversation.

Best wishes for a peaceful home,

Parent Coach Susan

Visit Susan's Website....

http://www.parentingpowers.com/

Teen Talk: Money

Your teens have everything they could ever want or need.

However, when you take your teens shopping they act as if they never get anything from you.

They plead and beg until you cave and they get what they want.

You are worried that your teens are not learning the value of money and that you are not setting the appropriate limits.

You have always thought that allowance should be tied to chores, and have tried that but it didn’t work.

To top it off, you have your own money management issues, and are afraid that your teens will follow in your footsteps.

Does this sound familiar? Then, read on…


What I have described above is typical in many families. Parents are confused about how to teach their children the value of money and money management skills.

Teens are exposed to more and more “stuff” every day so of course they want more and more.

Parents are frazzled because they feel like they are spoiling their teens and worry about their futures.

Most parents these days have incurred some type of debt like credit card, student loans, mortgage, etc…Knowing how it feels to “OWE”, making poor financial decisions and mismanaging money, let’s begin by exposing the teens to these lessons early on.

I have developed an easy and organized system called the “Allowance is What You Are Allowed” technique.

Each teen is allotted 3-5 envelopes (depending on the age and stage and needs of the teen)
Each envelope is labeled with something like:

=>spending Money $5.00 (little things, gum, candy)

=>Lunch Money $5.00 (to bring to school)

=>Bank deposit Money $2.00 (College Savings, First Car Savings,-something BIG and long term. Open up a savings account if you haven’t already and let your teen watch the money grow and the interest accumulate.)

=>Something I am saving for Money$3.00 (Something your teen is asking for a bit bigger- new game for computer, clothing)

=>Charity $1.00 (Church, Synagogue or charity of child’s choice)

3. Decide how much you want your child to put in each envelope.

4. Pick one day a week (like Sunday Mornings).

5. Make sure you have $1’s and change.

6. Hand your child the wad of cash and change and have them divide it up and put it in the correct envelopes.

7. Now for the fun part.! Before you go to the store, tell your teens, if they want to buy anything they need to bring along their “Spending Money” envelope.

8. When you get to the store, do not get involved with the purchase. Let them decide how to spend their money.

9. If they ask to borrow from one envelope to put more in another envelope, let them; but have them write an IOU to that envelope and tell them that until the IOU is paid up each week’s “spending money” has to go to the other envelope.

10. Let them feel their successes and their failures; this is a wonderful lesson to give your teens!

Even if your teen is working and has his or her own money, work with your teen and still use this system.

And…..you might try it yourself!

Best Wishes for a peaceful home,

Parent Coach Susan

For more parenting tips visit:

http://www.parentingpowers.com/

Receive Susan's free Special Report:
How to Take Back Your Parent Power

Teen Talk: How to Put a Stop to Sibling Fighting

Many parents have asked me how to get brothers and sisters to keep their hands and feet to themselves.

Do you find that you are always the ref? Are you continually breaking up kicking and hitting between your kids?Are you hoarse at the end of the day from getting in the middle of these battles and screaming "cut it oooooooooooout!! ?"

There is a solution but first I want to you to take a moment and try to think about why siblings fight. Why is it that siblings for the most part hit and kick, yell and scream at each other?

=> It's difficult for teens to explain themselves. Often they are so full of emotion and hormones that they just plain explode.

=> TV and Video games glorify solving problems by hitting the other person over the head. The 3 Stooges hit each other over the head with hammers and the roadrunner smashes the coyote every chance he can get! And these are shows from my childhood. What are your teens watching?

=> Hitting, kicking, screaming and yelling gets YOU the parent
immediately involved in breaking up the fight. Sometimes when teens get bored
they pull you in for the "mommy-daddy" show. That's when you lose it...It is very entertaining to watch your parents lose their minds. And teens get a power surge from
having this kind of effect on their family members. But at the same time it is scary
for them and they need you to take control.

So if this sounds familiar, wouldn't you like to finally know how to put a stop to it?

O.K, here are a few tips that really work:

=> Limit TV and Video games.

=> Encourage teens to express their feelings.

=> Hold family meetings where teens get a chance to be heard.

=> Hold court: Have the teens present their side of the story to you and each other and have teens make restitution to each other for the wrongs they have committed (like writing a note, or doing the other one's chores).

=> Notice out loud when your teens express their feelings and give lots of praise and complements.

=> Remember the best reward of all is time with YOU!

Best Wishes for a Peaceful Home,

Parent Coach Susan Epstein

visit my website:

http://www.parentingpowers.com/ and get your Free Special Report-How to Take Back Your Parenting Power.

Teen Talk: Cultural Issues in Parenting Teens

Parenting is extremely challenging for immigrant families. Moving to the U.S., many of the parenting practices which they have been used to (even morally bound to) from their country of origin are not appropriate or even allowed in the U.S., such as authoritarian discipline and physical punishment. These parents feel stripped of their parenting identities and struggle to get their kids to go to school and do homework. At the same time, they feel that they are being judged by their communities for not getting their kids to comply. Language barriers also make it difficult for these parents to advocate for their teens and many of these kids get lost between the cracks or are forced to advocate for themselves.

Immigrant children also become Americanized and their values become more and more different than their parents. This creates parent-child conflict and children acting out.
It is important for communities and schools to address these issues as soon as possible. Families should be encouraged to retain their cultural identities and to learn the new expectations of the new culture to best support and help their children. How can we be there for all parents of all children? How can we reach out to welcome people of all races and ethnicities and honor them without alienating them?

Questions for thought

What culture were you raised in?
How do you think this affected your parents raising you?
What have you retained from your own cultural background that influences your parenting style?
What if anything do you want to pass on to your children from your cultural background?


Let’s start a conversation going…

And check out my website…
www.ParentingPowers.com
And get my free special report:
Take Back Your Parent Power

Teen Talk: "No I Won't and You Can't Make Me!"

Do your teens talk back to you or ignore you? Do they role their eyes and walk away

while you are in mid-sentence? Do you feel helpless and out of control yourself when it

comes to getting your teen to respect you? Do you find yourself yelling at your teen or

locking yourself in the bathroom and crying? Is your teenager running your house?


If you answered yes, I am here to tell you that it is not your fault! Teens everywhere are

treating their parents with disrespect. Teens that disrespect their parents also disrespect

their teachers, law enforcement and anyone who is making rules and telling them what to

do. This is becoming a national epidemic.


But…YOU, the parent have the power to change this behavior. But in order to do this

you must put a stop to back talk, interrupting, face making and negative body language

at home. Once this is under control at home your teen will be more respectful of authority

figures everywhere.

Well, you say, “Easier said than done!”

Actually, it is simple. The glitch is that it takes consistency and a poker face from you.

Every time your teen engages in one of these negative behaviors, you have to block him/her.

You ask, “EVERY TIME? ARE YOU CRAZY?”

“How do I do this?”

Here’s the DRILL:

The first step is to say to your son or daughter: “Do not speak to me that way.” or

Or “Do not interrupt me.” Or” Do not make that face.”

AND the glitch, you have to keep saying it until s/he stops and you must remain calm and

not give up until s/he stops the behavior...

I guarantee you, that if you keep repeating one of these sentences to your child, with your

poker face on, s/he will stop. They will be so shocked, a. that you are following through,

and b. that you are not looking or sounding angry.

You are commanding respect.

Do not let this behavior slide. You need to be ON 100%. So pick a day that you are

rested and in fairly good spirits, have someone you can call for support if you feel

yourself caving…and carry on COMMANDING RESPECT, you deserve it!

don’t you?

Watch for more tips and techniques on commanding respect in upcoming posts!


To get Susan’s free Special Report “Take Back Your Parenting Power” and other free articles visit Susan’s Website-

http://www.parentingpowers.com/

Teen Talk: Homework Hassles and How to Help Your Teen

Thinking back on school years past, how many times
did you get into a power struggle with your kids
around homework issues? Let me know if this sounds
familiar:

It is 7PM and your teen informs you
that the science project is due tomorrow morning.



Or it is 10PM and your teen is having
a meltdown and you have made a phone call to the
therapist because you are convinced that your teen
is having a panic attack and you can’t calm your teen
down. This has been triggered by a one page essay that
your child is having difficulty completing.


Or your teen is assigned a project, which really means that you have
been assigned the project…you think something is wrong
with this picture because you already went to school and
thought that that chapter of your life was completed!


Or maybe worse, your teen has told you that the homework
has been completed, but at the progress report, you are
informed that your child has not handed in any homework
to date!

Most parents struggle with some type of homework hassles.

Here are some tips to help you eliminate these types of
scenarios from continuing.

=> Visual Cues: Get a big calendar and hang it in a
prominent place.

=> Teach Organization: When your teen comes home
from school have your teen transfer the assignments
and due dates to the big calendar.

=> Teach Success: Break down projects into bite
size pieces and put the smaller “to do’s” on the
calendar.

=> Be Available but occupied: Have teens do
homework in the same room as you. The kitchen
table is a perfect place.

=> While your teen is doing homework,
sit with your child, and pay bills, read or plan
your own projects.

=> No more running out the day before a project is due:
Buy all the supplies before school starts. This
includes the poster boards, glue sticks, markers,
scissors, etc…

=> Set a timer for homework completion. This will motivate
your teen to complete the assignment. This also signals
your teen that there is an end in sight!

Wishing you a Peaceful Home,

Parent Coach Susan


For Susan's Free Special Report:
How to Take Back Your Parenting Powers.
visit Susan's website.


Wishing you a peaceful home-
Susan

Teen Talk: What you need to know about your teen and drugs & alcohol

Do you suspect that your teen is using or abusing alcohol or drugs? Is there nagging feeling in the back of your brain that you really need to check this out? Are you afraid of what you might find? Do you worry when your son or daughter is out with friends for hours on end and you really don’t know where they are?

Then join the ranks of parenting teens today in America. In almost every interaction I have with parents of teenagers this topic comes up. Parents don’t know what to do.

Should I search his room? Should I confront her? Should I demand a drug test? Will I drive an even bigger wedge into our already distant relationship? Maybe it’s just normal that she is experimenting…but her moods have changed. Are you frightened for your teen’s safety?

Then read on...

The warning signs of teen alcohol or drug abuse:

• Missing school or work.
• Not saying where he or she is going; or being vague about where he or she has been.
• Lying about where he or she has been.
• Stopping activities that he or she used to enjoy and not replacing them with other fun activities.
• Borrowing money from parents or friends and unable to explain loss of money or valuables.
• Sniffling, runny nose, dilated pupils or red eyes.
• Losing appetite or eating too much
• Associating with a new group of friends, often those who use drugs.
• Hiding things that would show alcohol or drug use, liquor bottles, rolling papers or pipes.
• Moodiness, change in personality, avoiding you.

Source: National Institute on Drug Abuse

What you can do:

Parental Monitoring: Supervise your teen or know where your teen is and what they are doing.

Make a Plan: Decide what you will say before you talk to your teen if you suspect alcohol or drug abuse. (Avoid negativity, express your concerns, caring and love.

State the Facts: State what you know from the above warning signs.

Be Open: Listen to what your teen has to say.

Set and Enforce Rules: With care and concern, let your teen know that you will not put up with drug or alcohol use/abuse. “I know you can’t stand it when I make rules, but I am your parent and it my job to keep you safe.” Hold your teen accountable for his or her actions and set clear consequences for not obeying your rules.

Be Prepared for Obstacles: Many teens will become very angry and defensive and walk away from you. Take a deep breath and go back for round #2.

Keep Talking: Any chance you get, make an attempt to talk with your teen. Don’t give up or lose your temper no matter how uncomfortable the situation might seem.

Design a Contract: About rules and their consequences. Both you and your teen sign it. Be clear, firm and concise.

Follow Through: Be consistent. The minute you back off or avoid your teen will run with the freedom.

Know this: Your teen wants you to rein him or her in. It is scary having so much power and no one noticing that you are getting away with breaking rules. Being out of control is not that much fun for your teen either.

CLICK HERE to read a related BLOG that I recommend.