Teen Talk: Money

Your teens have everything they could ever want or need.

However, when you take your teens shopping they act as if they never get anything from you.

They plead and beg until you cave and they get what they want.

You are worried that your teens are not learning the value of money and that you are not setting the appropriate limits.

You have always thought that allowance should be tied to chores, and have tried that but it didn’t work.

To top it off, you have your own money management issues, and are afraid that your teens will follow in your footsteps.

Does this sound familiar? Then, read on…


What I have described above is typical in many families. Parents are confused about how to teach their children the value of money and money management skills.

Teens are exposed to more and more “stuff” every day so of course they want more and more.

Parents are frazzled because they feel like they are spoiling their teens and worry about their futures.

Most parents these days have incurred some type of debt like credit card, student loans, mortgage, etc…Knowing how it feels to “OWE”, making poor financial decisions and mismanaging money, let’s begin by exposing the teens to these lessons early on.

I have developed an easy and organized system called the “Allowance is What You Are Allowed” technique.

Each teen is allotted 3-5 envelopes (depending on the age and stage and needs of the teen)
Each envelope is labeled with something like:

=>spending Money $5.00 (little things, gum, candy)

=>Lunch Money $5.00 (to bring to school)

=>Bank deposit Money $2.00 (College Savings, First Car Savings,-something BIG and long term. Open up a savings account if you haven’t already and let your teen watch the money grow and the interest accumulate.)

=>Something I am saving for Money$3.00 (Something your teen is asking for a bit bigger- new game for computer, clothing)

=>Charity $1.00 (Church, Synagogue or charity of child’s choice)

3. Decide how much you want your child to put in each envelope.

4. Pick one day a week (like Sunday Mornings).

5. Make sure you have $1’s and change.

6. Hand your child the wad of cash and change and have them divide it up and put it in the correct envelopes.

7. Now for the fun part.! Before you go to the store, tell your teens, if they want to buy anything they need to bring along their “Spending Money” envelope.

8. When you get to the store, do not get involved with the purchase. Let them decide how to spend their money.

9. If they ask to borrow from one envelope to put more in another envelope, let them; but have them write an IOU to that envelope and tell them that until the IOU is paid up each week’s “spending money” has to go to the other envelope.

10. Let them feel their successes and their failures; this is a wonderful lesson to give your teens!

Even if your teen is working and has his or her own money, work with your teen and still use this system.

And…..you might try it yourself!

Best Wishes for a peaceful home,

Parent Coach Susan

For more parenting tips visit:

http://www.parentingpowers.com/

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How to Take Back Your Parent Power

Teen Talk: Gimme, Gimme, Teens and Stuff

Are you the parent of a "gimme gimme" teen?
Are your teens always at you to buy,buy,buy?
Do you tell your kids, "Money doesn't grow
on trees?" At the same time do you feel
like you can't say no? And to top it off
do you feel that your teens are ungrateful
for what you get them?

If you are like most parents, you can say
no some of the time. But sometimes, your
teens just wear you down and you give in.
Then you just want to kick yourself and
find yourself wishing you hadn't said yes.

I am going to help you with staying on
track for saying no, when you really want
to.

But first, I want to tell you that it is
not your fault. You are not weak, a bad
parent or disorganized! Our society has
drastically changed in the past 30 years.
Buy, Buy, Buy is everywhere!

We have been conditioned to believe that
buying makes us feel good. But we know
that that "feel good " thing is temporary
and only lasts until we buy the next thing.

Our teens are being conditioned at a pace
that makes our childhoods look like we
had very little. Now laptops, cell phones.
Ipods are rights of passage!

Now not only do you have an electronic
explosion, you have so much clutter
you can't even think straight.

So here are a few suggestions to help
you stick to your values about stuff.

1. Don't take your teens shopping with
you. I know this sounds a bit crazy and
at times will be impractical. But it
does solve the problem. If you don't
take them to the mall, they won’t be
facing the material world some of the
time.

2. Give your teens a weekly allowance.
In the event you do bring them shopping,
make sure they bring it and spend their
own money. They will learn quickly if
they want to save for something that
they really want.

3. Limit TV, Internet. The media wants
your teens to buy. They convince your
teens that they won't be cool unless they
have the latest game or gadget.


4. Get your teens outside in nature.
Let them get creative with the outdoors
and the elements. Encourage your teens
to play sports and hike. Put up a basketball
hoop in your driveway. You’ll not only
be encouraging physical exercise, but you’ll
know where your teen is. (Their friends will
hang out at your house!)

5. Save electronics for special occasions such
as birthdays and holiday giving. You
don't have to gift your children in between.
Having them wait teaches them not to
crave immediate gratification.

Visit my website at…
http://www.parentingpowers.com/ for more tips and
my free special report, “ How to Take Back Your
Parenting Power”.

Teen Talk: How to Put a Stop to Sibling Fighting

Many parents have asked me how to get brothers and sisters to keep their hands and feet to themselves.

Do you find that you are always the ref? Are you continually breaking up kicking and hitting between your kids?Are you hoarse at the end of the day from getting in the middle of these battles and screaming "cut it oooooooooooout!! ?"

There is a solution but first I want to you to take a moment and try to think about why siblings fight. Why is it that siblings for the most part hit and kick, yell and scream at each other?

=> It's difficult for teens to explain themselves. Often they are so full of emotion and hormones that they just plain explode.

=> TV and Video games glorify solving problems by hitting the other person over the head. The 3 Stooges hit each other over the head with hammers and the roadrunner smashes the coyote every chance he can get! And these are shows from my childhood. What are your teens watching?

=> Hitting, kicking, screaming and yelling gets YOU the parent
immediately involved in breaking up the fight. Sometimes when teens get bored
they pull you in for the "mommy-daddy" show. That's when you lose it...It is very entertaining to watch your parents lose their minds. And teens get a power surge from
having this kind of effect on their family members. But at the same time it is scary
for them and they need you to take control.

So if this sounds familiar, wouldn't you like to finally know how to put a stop to it?

O.K, here are a few tips that really work:

=> Limit TV and Video games.

=> Encourage teens to express their feelings.

=> Hold family meetings where teens get a chance to be heard.

=> Hold court: Have the teens present their side of the story to you and each other and have teens make restitution to each other for the wrongs they have committed (like writing a note, or doing the other one's chores).

=> Notice out loud when your teens express their feelings and give lots of praise and complements.

=> Remember the best reward of all is time with YOU!

Best Wishes for a Peaceful Home,

Parent Coach Susan Epstein

visit my website:

http://www.parentingpowers.com/ and get your Free Special Report-How to Take Back Your Parenting Power.

Teen Talk: "No I Won't and You Can't Make Me!"

Do your teens talk back to you or ignore you? Do they role their eyes and walk away

while you are in mid-sentence? Do you feel helpless and out of control yourself when it

comes to getting your teen to respect you? Do you find yourself yelling at your teen or

locking yourself in the bathroom and crying? Is your teenager running your house?


If you answered yes, I am here to tell you that it is not your fault! Teens everywhere are

treating their parents with disrespect. Teens that disrespect their parents also disrespect

their teachers, law enforcement and anyone who is making rules and telling them what to

do. This is becoming a national epidemic.


But…YOU, the parent have the power to change this behavior. But in order to do this

you must put a stop to back talk, interrupting, face making and negative body language

at home. Once this is under control at home your teen will be more respectful of authority

figures everywhere.

Well, you say, “Easier said than done!”

Actually, it is simple. The glitch is that it takes consistency and a poker face from you.

Every time your teen engages in one of these negative behaviors, you have to block him/her.

You ask, “EVERY TIME? ARE YOU CRAZY?”

“How do I do this?”

Here’s the DRILL:

The first step is to say to your son or daughter: “Do not speak to me that way.” or

Or “Do not interrupt me.” Or” Do not make that face.”

AND the glitch, you have to keep saying it until s/he stops and you must remain calm and

not give up until s/he stops the behavior...

I guarantee you, that if you keep repeating one of these sentences to your child, with your

poker face on, s/he will stop. They will be so shocked, a. that you are following through,

and b. that you are not looking or sounding angry.

You are commanding respect.

Do not let this behavior slide. You need to be ON 100%. So pick a day that you are

rested and in fairly good spirits, have someone you can call for support if you feel

yourself caving…and carry on COMMANDING RESPECT, you deserve it!

don’t you?

Watch for more tips and techniques on commanding respect in upcoming posts!


To get Susan’s free Special Report “Take Back Your Parenting Power” and other free articles visit Susan’s Website-

http://www.parentingpowers.com/

Teen Talk: What you need to know about your teen and drugs & alcohol

Do you suspect that your teen is using or abusing alcohol or drugs? Is there nagging feeling in the back of your brain that you really need to check this out? Are you afraid of what you might find? Do you worry when your son or daughter is out with friends for hours on end and you really don’t know where they are?

Then join the ranks of parenting teens today in America. In almost every interaction I have with parents of teenagers this topic comes up. Parents don’t know what to do.

Should I search his room? Should I confront her? Should I demand a drug test? Will I drive an even bigger wedge into our already distant relationship? Maybe it’s just normal that she is experimenting…but her moods have changed. Are you frightened for your teen’s safety?

Then read on...

The warning signs of teen alcohol or drug abuse:

• Missing school or work.
• Not saying where he or she is going; or being vague about where he or she has been.
• Lying about where he or she has been.
• Stopping activities that he or she used to enjoy and not replacing them with other fun activities.
• Borrowing money from parents or friends and unable to explain loss of money or valuables.
• Sniffling, runny nose, dilated pupils or red eyes.
• Losing appetite or eating too much
• Associating with a new group of friends, often those who use drugs.
• Hiding things that would show alcohol or drug use, liquor bottles, rolling papers or pipes.
• Moodiness, change in personality, avoiding you.

Source: National Institute on Drug Abuse

What you can do:

Parental Monitoring: Supervise your teen or know where your teen is and what they are doing.

Make a Plan: Decide what you will say before you talk to your teen if you suspect alcohol or drug abuse. (Avoid negativity, express your concerns, caring and love.

State the Facts: State what you know from the above warning signs.

Be Open: Listen to what your teen has to say.

Set and Enforce Rules: With care and concern, let your teen know that you will not put up with drug or alcohol use/abuse. “I know you can’t stand it when I make rules, but I am your parent and it my job to keep you safe.” Hold your teen accountable for his or her actions and set clear consequences for not obeying your rules.

Be Prepared for Obstacles: Many teens will become very angry and defensive and walk away from you. Take a deep breath and go back for round #2.

Keep Talking: Any chance you get, make an attempt to talk with your teen. Don’t give up or lose your temper no matter how uncomfortable the situation might seem.

Design a Contract: About rules and their consequences. Both you and your teen sign it. Be clear, firm and concise.

Follow Through: Be consistent. The minute you back off or avoid your teen will run with the freedom.

Know this: Your teen wants you to rein him or her in. It is scary having so much power and no one noticing that you are getting away with breaking rules. Being out of control is not that much fun for your teen either.

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