Free Classroom Joke - "The Pirate Joke"

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

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Weekend time, take in a few happy moments! Enjoy the weather if you can. Halloween is just around the corner. If you are on-line, why not check out our website? You never know what may strike your fancy!! Please visit Schoodoodle.com. Thanks!

Free Classroom Joke - "Who's Watching the Cookies?"

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all You want. God is watching the apples!"

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Have a nice fall weekend! I love apples. I found out that apples work better at waking a person up than coffee. And I think that's a great way to do something healthy for your body! Enjoy your time, hopefully get out and take in the crisp air! If you are indoors, please visit our site, Schoodoodle.com. You never know what you might find! Enjoy!

Free Classroom Joke - "A Moral Lesson"

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kenny 5, and Tom 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kenny turned to his younger brother and said,' Tom, you be Jesus !'

Free Teacher Joke - "Contractions"

Teacher: If "can't" is short for "cannot,"
what is "don't" short for?

Student: Doughnut.

Free Teacher Joke - "The Composition"

Teacher: Jeff, your composition on "Our Family Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Jeff: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Hope you have a great weekend! It's time to open up the windows and let some fresh air in! If you find yourself at home and need to order supplies for your class, please visit our website. Click here and be directed to Schoodoodle.com.

Free Teacher Joke - "Saying Prayers"

Teacher: Now, Johnnie, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

Johnnie: No mam, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

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Well, here we are facing April already! Time to make that last pot of chilli or perhaps a nice pot roast to last the weekend. If you need any school supplies before the end of this school year, or perhaps looking forward to next year, please visit Schoodoodle.com. It's a great place to browse! Enjoy!

Free Teacher Joke - "Pointless"

Sally: Want to hear the story about the broken pencil?

Phil: No thanks, I'm sure it has no point.

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Great weekend to stay inside and browse the internet! If you're looking for school supplies, check out our website, Schoodoodle.com. It's loaded with fun ideas for your classroom!

Free Teacher Joke - "Man's Best Friend"

I was sitting in a hospital waiting room watching a young mother helping her son finish a crossword puzzle.

"Mom," he asked, "what fits here?"

"It's Man's best friend," she hinted.

The boy thought for a second then guessed,

"Duct tape?"

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Well, it's the last weekend of January 2008 already. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for warmer weather. Right about now I like to plan a nice vacation just to by-pass the chilly weather. A nice trip to a tropical island is where I'd like to be about now. If you need to decorate your bulletin boards or want ideas of how to warm up your classroom, check out our catalog. Just follow this link and above all, enjoy your weekend!

Free Teacher Joke - "Chicken Little"

One day I was reading the story of Chicken Little to my kindergarten class. I came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

I read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'"

When I paused I asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

Annie raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'What the hay! A talking chicken!!'"


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Free Teacher Joke - "Paperless"

I recently gave a speech at a teacher's conference on "Ways to Go Paperless," I opened the floor to questions.

"I have one," said a fellow teacher. "Where are the handouts?"

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I hope you have a safe and happy weekend! My weekend will be filled with cleaning my house and getting ready for the new year (even though it's already here). I like to do this after the holidays. Hope you have a good time whatever your activity may be. If you find yourself shopping on-line, please check out our new items at Schoodoodle.com. Here's a link.

Free Teacher Joke - "The Price of Balloons"

Watching me fill balloons with helium at my school supply shop, a customer asked the price.

"It's a dollar per balloon," the cashier said.

The customer complained, "It used to be fifty cents."

Another customer concluded, "Well that's inflation."

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I'm hoping your holidays are filled with fun activities. If it's snowing or raining and it causes a shift in plans for you, please visit our website and check out the new items we've added. If ideas for your classroom is what you're looking for, then you've come to the right place! Simply click on the link and visit us on line! Here's a link. Enjoy!

Free Teacher Joke - "Rooftop Love"

Two antenna were hanging out on the rooftop.

After a few months, they fell in love and decided

to get married.

The wedding ceremony was pretty ordinary....

BUT THE RECEPTION WAS EXCELLENT!

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Here's hoping your weekend is filled with laughter and good times and that your next reception is excellent! Enjoy! If you're browsing the internet, and happen to need a classroom supply, visit our on-line catalog. Here's a link. You just never know what you might find!

Free Teacher Joke - "A Gift For Teacher"

It was the day before the Winter Break, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

Free Teacher Joke - "Mom Has Stats"

Little Eric and his mother were out and about. Little Eric, out of the blue, asked his mother, "Mommy, how old are you?" His mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

Little Eric then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weight?" His mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this too, as you grow up." Little Eric still wanting to know about his mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" His mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." Then Little Eric, frustrated, sulks until he is dropped off at a friend's house to play.

He consults with his friend about the conversation between his mom and him. His friend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, Little Eric and his mother are out and about again. Little Eric starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. You're 37 years old." The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" Eric shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weight. You weight 150 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" said the mother again. Eric says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."

Free Teacher Jokes - "Thanksgiving Quiz"

With the holidays right around the corner, here's a few questions you can share with your class. Call it a "pop-quiz" of a different sort, but it will be sure to bring some laughter to your class!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? ...................Pilgrims!


If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? .........Their AGE




What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?................. Plymouth Rock

How much did the Mayflower weigh? ........................A Puri-TON

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
............Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.



Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner? ....
...............No, you should just have the turkey!

What sound does a turkey's phone make? ..........Wing Wing


When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?......... In the dictionary!


How do you keep a turkey in suspense? .............I'll tell you at Christmas.


Why did the turkey cross the road? .............It was the chicken's day off.


Well, hope you have a great time with these jokes. If you get any funny responses, please post them! Enjoy! I will be most thankful for your responses!

Free Teacher Joke - "Standard Time Change"

This weekend ..
we will switch
the clock back
one hour to
standard time.
That means that hundreds of people will

accidentally be on time for Sunday School.

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Here's a riddle:

Three brothers share a family sport:
A nonstop marathon.
The oldest one is fat and short
And trudges slowly on.
The middle brother is tall and slim
And keeps a steady pace.
The youngest runs just like the wind,
Speeding through the race.
"He's young in years, we let him run,"
The other brothers say.
"'Cause though he's surely number one,
He's second, in a way."
What is this riddle talking about?

Answer: The hands of a clock: hour, minute and second.

FREE TEACHER JOKE - Halloween MUMMY

Please share this Halloween joke:

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?

They're too wrapped up in themselves.


It's a great weekend to call a good friend and get together to enjoy their company. I'll be baking, so my kitchen will be full of the delicious smell of home-made bread. Here's hoping you have a great weekend!

Free Teacher Joke - "Crayons"

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Mike came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Mary, I ain't got no crayons." "Mike," Miss Mary said, "you mean," I don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Mike said, "What happened to all them crayons?"

Hope your weekend is full of fun activities! Enjoy the colors of fall!

When looking for varieties of crayons, try this link, Schoodoodle has a wide selection of crayola products... you're sure to find what you are looking for!

Free Teacher Joke - "What does your daddy do?"

"What's your father's occupation?"
asked the teacher on the first day of school.
"He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy.
"How fascinating! What's his favorite trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"Gosh! That’s really something!
Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"One half brother and two
half sisters."



Hope your weekend is truly magical!

Free Teacher Joke - "Sad Face"

Teacher: What a sad face.

What would you say if I came to school with a face like yours?

Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it!




Have a happy weekend!

FREE CLASSROOM JOKE - "RODNEY DANGERFIELD QUOTE"

"I had plenty of pimples as a kid.
One day I fell asleep in the library.
When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. "

By: Comedian, Rodney Dangerfield